Mother’s Day

This Mother’s Day is complicated, like most days I suppose. But holidays highlight the fractured nature of our lives. We have learned to adapt, to adjust- somewhat like an amputee moves on with their life. But half of my children leaving every holiday to spend the day with their birth mother is just hard. And I will be honest, some days I struggle. Greatly.

People say I have more grace/ patience/ whatever than they do when it comes to dealing with my husband’s ex. That just isn’t true. I simply control what comes out. But inside,  between myself and God, I struggle with ugly emotions. I sometimes hate her for what she did to these amazing kids and to my hero. I am still angry with the attempts at manipulation and control. Part of me thinks if you leave your kids you should turn in your Mom card- you don’t rate it any more.

But.

I have been given such grace. My own sins may ‘weigh’ less on my own set of biased scales- but how does God see them? I have fallen short according to His standard of holiness. I need the intercession of Christ on my behalf. As a mom, I fall short every single day. I hope that by extending grace where I don’t feel like it is warranted, maybe my kids will extend grace to me for my weaknesses and faults. 

So this Mother’s Day, I pray for more grace. More love. More of Christ in me, because circumstances definitely make it difficult to be all Hallmark-y. Life as a blended family is a beautiful picture of redemption and healing, but the scars are very present and deep. And if you are walking through the same mine field of ex- family relations, I feel you. I pray that the God of peace and comfort would be your strength, and that you would be able to respond in love and grace. 

Happy Mother’s Day.

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